Fresh Start
by laurzz
Summary: DannyLindsay. Set post season 3 and into season 4. A sequel of sorts to Broken.
1. Fresh Start

**A/N: hiiiii! So I've got a little one shot here. It's a bit different to some of the more recent stuff I've been posting. It's just a little fun, fluffy season 4 piece. Hope you enjoy it!**

**———————————**

_it's no secret, I'm not who I used to be, anyone can see you're the difference in me._

_-Difference in Me, Westlife _

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_Set post 3x24 Snow Day but pre 4x01 Can You Hear Me Now? _

_————————_

Stretching his arms up in the air, he let the tension leave his back in a series of cracks. He moved his neck from side to side and then rolled his shoulders forwards and then back again. Usually, at this point, he'd be cracking his knuckles, however, as he glanced down at the bandage that still adorned his hand and he knew that might prove counter productive. Plus it'd be pretty damn painful!

"Coffee." He decided to himself, scooting his chair back from his desk. If he was completely honest; desk duty sucked. He'd had to endure a week or so of it now and he was _dying_. It was mindnumbingly boring. He didn't see anyone all day hardly. Lindsay was always out in the field, picking up the slack, and quite frankly he missed her. He enjoyed working alongside her. He liked their banter, their ability to work so effortlessly alongside one another. He also particularly liked the view when he was working alongside Lindsay. The last week had been, quite frankly, a load of crap. He grunted as he opened up the cabinet with his 'good' hand and grabbed a coffee cup. He then set it down on the counter before reaching for the coffee pot, he considered using his bandaged hand for a moment before swapping it out for his good hand. He rolled his eyes at himself. _Sure, fine, whatever_ he couldn't use his hand _perfectly_ right now and okay _maybe_ he'd find it tricky out in the field. It didn't stop him from feeling precious about it though.

He looked down at his watch and furrowed his brow. He was sure Lindsay's shift started at noon and it was now five after. She said she'd had an appointment that morning and was pretty secretive about it, which he'd shrugged off. He scanned the lab with his eyes, looking for her bouncy curls and sighed outwardly when he realised he still couldn't see her. He knew Mac was still in London but it wasn't Lindsay's style to take advantage. Maybe she was caught up somewhere? Hell, for all he knew, she might have already been called out somewhere. He reached over to the fridge, ready to locate some creamer (a new addition to his coffee, courtesy of a certain Montana girl), when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Setting the creamer down on the counter top, he went digging in his Jeans pocket for his cell phone.

Montana

He smiled as he ran his finger across the screen of his iPhone, displaying the message.

_Hey, can you come to the locker room? I need to show you something…_

He glanced up and looked around him. Well; she'd officially got his interest. He quickly tipped some creamer into his coffee and took off for the locker room.

————————————-

She fluffed her bangs for a third time in as many seconds. She knew he'd tell her the truth. She had no idea why this was such a big deal all of a sudden. It would grow back! She was just so used to hiding behind it that she was feeling on edge now by being so on show. Plus, would he even like it? She knew it didn't matter, he liked her for her, not how she styled her hair, but still.

She shook her head. _Stop it! _She internally berating herself. She just… hoped he liked it.

Things had been going so well since she'd got back from Montana. They'd been enjoying spending time together. Dinner, drinks, laughs…. sex. Lots of sex, she mused. Him being held hostage had solidified a couple of things for her. First, she couldn't look at pool tables in the same way but she wasn't mad about it. Second, she had found a new love for daisies. Third, Danny Messer had taken her shift that day and saved her from god only knows what. Neither of them had ever really brought it up but she knew that had it been her sat in that bunker, things may have played out differently. Sure she was strong, smart and sassy but against the people that she would have been faced with? Something told her that the outcome would not have been broken knuckles, bruised ribs and a bust lip.

After that day they stopped flirting around the topic of them. She'd realised that life was short. Too short for some and she has wasted enough time not letting Danny in. She was enjoying this new chapter in her life. Things were good. Fresh. New. Happy.

"Hey, I'm looking for Lindsay." The voice behind her disturbed her thoughts. "You seen her?"

She turned round to face the voice with a nervous smile on her face. "You found her… surprise!" She waited with baited breath. "So I uh-"

"Oh my god! You cut your hair!" Danny exclaimed, quickly closing the distance between the two of them. He ran his fingers (on his good hand, of course) through her choppy hair and he grinned. "You weren't kidding when you said you had something to show me!"

"What do you think?" She asked nervously. She took the coffee cup from his bandaged hand and took a sip. "Tell me honestly. I'm kind of freaking out about it."

He rolled his eyes as he put both of his hands on her arms and held her at length as he examined her new hairstyle. "It's so different, I didn't even realise it was you." He commented, running his fingers through it again. "It's short."

"Do you hate it?" She cringed.

"I like it," he smiled. "A lot" he quickly added. "It suits you. You look…" he trailed off for a moment before finishing his sentence, "you look like a New Yorker." He grinned.

She rolled her eyes as she held the coffee cup in both of her hands, warming them up. She took another sip and held it against her lips. "Danny, do I look-?"

"Beautiful, sophisticated, cute, hot?" He mused. "Yes to all." He took the cup from her hands with a pointed look as to say you always do this. She couldn't help but smile at his annoyance. What could she say? His coffee always tasted better than hers. She watched him as he took the first sip of his own coffee. "Honestly? I love it Montana. Looks cute on you. Suits you. What made you cut it?"

"I wanted a change," she shrugged. "Something fresh, something new… you know?"

He pulled her into his side and buried his nose, inhaling her scent. "I know." He paused for a moment. "The new you."

_Yeah, something like that…_ she thought to herself as his hand took hers as he led her through the locker room towards the lab. He squeezed her hand softly. As they pushed through the doors from the locker room, their hands naturally slipped away from one another, adopting the professional exterior they'd both promised each other they'd display whilst at work.

They walked in time to one another, steps in sync as she headed to the break room to get her own cup of coffee. They separated as she reached the break room, although he made a point of giving her a quick wink as she turned away from him. She quickly arranged herself a cup of coffee. As she stirred the creamer, she felt her cell phone buzz in the pocket of her blazer. She dug it out and saw the name of the sender of the text she'd received

Danny

She glanced up and locked eyes with him. He was stood by the glass wall of their office, watching her. She unlocked her phone and began to read the message.

_Hey, so you know, I think you look beautiful._

Short and sweet. She mused to herself. She glanced up at him and mouthed _thank you_ to which he smiled before turning back to his desk. She picked up her cup and went off in search for Stella to see if she'd heard anything back from the DNA results she'd been waiting on for the last couple of days.

She felt a spring in her step. A smile tugged at her lips. She wasn't sure, but she felt like today was going to be a good day.

——————————

Shoving her bag on her shoulder, Lindsay Monroe pressed the elevator button. It'd been a long shift and she was definitely ready for her bed.

She learnt forward and pressed the elevator button again in haste. She wasn't up for messing around right now. She had to battle the subway and walk the ten blocks to her apartment after an nineteen hour shift and she quite simply wasn't feeling it.

She reached up to smooth her hair down. She had to admit, it was weird not to have her styled curly hair anymore. She was so desperate for a change but a small part of her missed her length and the comfort it brought. There was no hiding behind this hairstyle, that was for sure!

She'd gotten so many compliments over the course of her shift but really, the only one that genuinely mattered was the one she'd gotten from Danny. He'd been so sweet to her and had made a point of trying his best to reassure her that she had made the right decision. And if she was completely honest? He'd done a good job. A part of her really liked her decision... it really had been exactly what she needed. A change.

She was a little bit disappointed that they'd been on opposite shifts recently. Work was always better when he was around. Time moved faster when he was there. He made work, despite their usual tasks of death and devastation more enjoyable, if it could even be described as enjoyable... She loved their banter and enjoyed how effortless it was to work with him. She hadn't realised it when she first started but they had just clicked. She'd clicked with him in a way that she'd never clicked with anyone before. He had quickly turned into a very special person in her life.

Even more so now.

At last, the elevator announced its arrival. Feeling the relief course through her, Lindsay stepped onto the empty lift and pressed the button for the ground floor. She stepped back as the doors closed and laid her head against the wall. She let her eyes flutter shut for a moment as she felt the descent begin.

She pulled her phone out to check the time. Seven fifteen. Danny's shift started at nine and whilst she wanted to text him, she figured he'd be sleeping. She'd catch him later. She pocketed her phone again and pushed up off the wall: ready to exit the elevator.

As the doors flung open, she stepped off the elevator and couldn't help the smile that quickly crept across her face.

"Hey you." She beamed as she closed the distance between them. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I figured you might like one of these." He handed her a coffee from the cardboard cup holder he was holding.

She accepted the cup and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks, this is a really nice surprise."

Danny smiled in return. "How was your shift?"

"Long." She shrugged. "Boring."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Nineteen hours is a bitch of a shift. You tired?"

She shrugged again. "No more than usual."

"Wanna go get some breakfast?" He asked. "My treat."

"I'd love to." She smiled, she glanced at his hands and her eyes widened. "Whoa! Where's your bandage?" She tugged his hand towards her carefully. She examined his fingers and although they still looked sore; they were certainly healing.

"Had a check up yesterday. Doctor said that I didn't need it no more. Plus I figured it was better just to let it breathe."

She smiled as he pulled her to into his side and pressed a kiss to her tiny scar that lined her hairline. "So breakfast?" He whispered against her forehead.

"Breakfast." She nodded.

He handed her his coffee as he tossed the cardboard cup holder into the trash can nearby. He then held out his hand, allowing her to lead the way out onto the street from the lobby.

The cool morning air hit her and she felt refreshed as she pushed through the door. She turned and handed Danny his coffee as he followed her through the door. He accepted it quickly and raised the cup to his lips.

Her eyes absorbed him as he walked beside her. Despite how her eyes burnt and her legs ached, she felt a warm, happy feeling spreading through her, and it wasn't the caffeine.

It hadn't quite sunk in that he'd met her as her shift finished. He'd always had a caring side; she'd seen it countless times over the couple of years she'd known him. He cared fiercely about the people around him and would move mountains to help them. She'd even been on the receiving end of it when he'd followed her to Montana on a whim. She couldn't believe her eyes when he'd walked into the courtroom that day. To this day, he wouldn't tell her what made him catch a red eye to be with her. A part of her wondered if he even knew himself... but she'd be forever grateful for what he did for her. Partly because it had opened her eyes as to what was right in front of her the whole time.

Her mind floated back to their current situation. She didn't even know how he knew she'd finished her shift. She had no idea how long he'd been waiting or what time he'd woken up to make sure he was there in time. Like when he burst into the courtroom, it was like he just knew. If she was being completely honest, she hadn't ever really pegged him as being romantic, but she was beginning to question her first impression of him. The more she thought about the things he did for her, the more she realised that actually he was everything she could ever want for herself.

"Where do ya wanna go for breakfast?" He asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

"I don't know." She shrugged, "I'm starving though."

He nodded in understanding. "I know a place."

She raised her coffee to her lips and took a sip.

"I still can't get over your hair." His voice broke her daydreams before she could slip back into them. "It looks cute."

She smiled, "Thanks." She rain her fingers through her hair. "I feel like I spent most of last night getting comments about my hair. I didn't think people cared that much."

"A lotta people care about you Montana. It's about time you start realisin' that."

She glanced up at him and he offered her a sheepish smile. Deciding she'd had enough of just walking alongside him, she took his recently unbandaged hand tentatively, squeezing it softly. He squeezed her hand back in response and smiled at her. As they fell in step to one another, she couldn't help the smile creeping across her face.

Danny's comments weren't lost on her. She already knew that he cared about her: he wouldn't turn up at work at the crack of dawn for just anyone. But just how much he cared about her? That she was still figuring out.

As they walked hand in hand she let out a long, contented sigh. Life, she thought, for the first time in as long as she could remember, was finally pretty good.

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**And there we have it! A cute season 4 one shot. I don't know about you, but I always wondered what Danny's reaction would have been to her hairstyle change! Hope you guys enjoyed this one! Any thoughts are, as always, muchly appreciated! **

**See you next time! **


	2. Can You Hear Me Now?

**A/N: okay, so disclaimer... when I posted this originally I'd fully intended on it being a simple one shot. I did. But it always felt like I could have expanded and done more with it... then when I started really developing this story, that one shot just wouldn't leave my mind about how it'd be a perfect first chapter to bridge Broken and this one together... so basically, that's what I'm doing! Hope that's okay! **

**Also, it goes without saying that this is a season 4 story... so prepare for angst unfortunately! However I will try my best with fluffy interludes! **

**Anyway, enough rambles: nobody cares about thought processes of mine! That's not what you're here for! **

**Hope you enjoy this one! **

**PS.. T rating suggestions.**

* * *

Set after the episode, 4x01, Can You Hear Me Now?

* * *

He pulled the ridiculous object out of his bag and held it in his hands, shaking his head. With his free hand, he knocked softly on the door and made sure he was holding up the cannister. As the door opened, he smiled at the sight of the person at the other side of the door.

"Oh hey, you kept it!" Her smile was bright and teasing.

He arched his brow at her and shook his head. 'You're a real smartass, you know that."

"So you keep telling me." She said, moving out of his way so that he could come in. As he did, he tossed the can at her.

"Condom spray?" He smirked. "Really?"

"As I told you before, German engineering as it's finest." She laughed as she tossed it onto the couch. "I thought you'd like it."

Cringing, he physically shook as he leant in for a kiss. "You're gross."

"Yeah, but you keep coming back so there's that..." she teased, kissing him on the cheek. "Did you eat?"

"No, I'm starving."

Rolling her eyes, she made her way towards her kitchen, "I figured you would be… I made you a plate. You can go shower if you want and I'll heat it up for you."

"Thanks, you're the best." He said, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

He quickly made his way to her bathroom and she watched as the door clicked shut. She smiled softly to herself as she turned to her microwave and set it going for a couple of minutes.

Life had been pretty good recently. Really good actually. The two weeks since the hostage situation had really flown by and they had quickly settled into their new normal. He had naturally tried to milk the - her playing the nurse - card for as long as was humanly possible…and secretly, she had been more than happy to oblige.

Work wasn't too bad either. The rumour mill had been working overtime, which she couldn't say she was particularly fond of. She'd heard all sorts of ridiculous things about herself and Danny...but his attitude towards it all helped her. He'd been on the receiving end of a plethora of scandals and was used to the gossiping stopping as he walked into a room. Not that it made it any easier for her.

She ran her fingers through her short hair. She still wasn't quite used to the length but after a couple of days of regret, she'd decided that actually, she really liked it. It was something totally different. She'd had long hair for years. As long as she could remember. But this? This was good.

"Did you know your shower curtain is hanging on by a goddamn thread… why didn't you tell me?"

She jumped at the voice behind her. "Danny! You scared me!" She implored. "What are you? A ninja?"

"In a past life, maybe." He chuckled. "You looked deep in thought."

She laughed. "Your dinner is ready," She said, placing it on the counter for him.

"Smells great." He said, picking up a fork and digging in.

"So do you." She said, hooking her arms around his waist and burying her head into his back. "Although, I'm still not sure how I feel about you smelling like a coconut."

"I don't know, it's kinda growing on me." He teased as he turned in her arms and wrapped his own arms around her, pulling her close. He pressed a kiss to her lips. "Hey."

"Hi." She smiled. "How was the rest of your shift?"

"Crap. Miserable." He shrugged, turning slightly and scooping up another forkful of food before shoving it into his mouth. "Usual stuff. Was the crazy dude seeking revenge."

"Ahh, you called it." She reached up and rubbed his cheek with her thumb. "Gee, why is it always Stella who has a link to the crazies?"

"God knows, I'm just glad it's not us for a change." He shrugged. "So, I meant to ask...did Mac find ya today?" He said, still continuing to shovel food into his mouth. "He was looking for you."

"Yup." She nodded. "You?"

"Yeah. It was… surreal."

"Surreal?" Her tone was surprised. "How so?"

"I don't know, he was pretty smug about it and... it was just weird. I think he was jet lagged or somethin'. What did he say to you?"

"Ah, nothing much." She shrugged. "Same spiel he gave you probably.

* * *

_"Lindsay, what do you have for me?"_

_"Mac!" She cried holding her arms open. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and squeezed him. "It's so good to see you! How are you? How was London? How was your flight?"_

_"Fine, lovely and long." He smiled. "It's good to see you too. I see half your hair has gone."_

_"Time for a change." She smiled, flicking her short hair with her fingertips. "So, want to hear the latest in German engineering?" She smirked._

_"Even if I didn't, I'm sure I'd be about to." He smiled. "I'm willing to be there's some form of demonstration too?"_

_"You know me well." She chuckled as she held up the can. "I present to you, the trace we found on Georgia Morrison."_

_Mac took it from her and narrowed his eyes. "I can't see this being very effective."_

_"Mac!" Lindsay laughed._

_"I'm just making an observation," he chuckled as he placed it down on the counter. "Nice work; Lindsay, thank you."_

_"Don't you want to see my demonstration?" _

_"No." He laughed. "Save it for Danny." _

_"I already did," she said reaching for her file. She realised what she said and turned back to Mac who had a look of complete surprise on his face. "My god no, no, no, no I didn't mean it like that! Hawkes was there too!" _

_"Lindsay!" Mac implored. _

_"No!" She cried, "no, oh my god no, in the lab... we were in the lab. It was purely for science." _

_"I know, I know." Mac laughed. "I'm joking... relax." _

_She sighed in relief as she collected it back up and stored it back in the evidence box. She glanced over to him and furrowed her brow as she watched him looking around and over his shoulder._

_"Is everything okay?" She asked._

_"Yeah…" he began. "Sit with me for a moment."_

_"Okay…" her tone was nervous._

_"So, I had an interesting conversation with Stella today."_

_"Oh?" Her cheeks instantly went a shade of pink. "I… is everything ok?"_

_"It's nothing bad." He reassured her. "But she told me about you and Danny after the hostage situation. In the hospital."_

_"Ah." She was silent for a moment before taking a deep breath "Mac, listen, we were both really emotional that day and it was a really draining day and whilst that's no excuse; she caught us in a moment where we both needed a little comfort. I know we were both on the clock and it was wrong but I honestly thought we were going to lose him when I was outside waiting and I just… I need you to know that the integrity of this lab is the most important thing to me and I-"_

_"Lindsay, listen to me for a minute." Mac cut her off. "I'm not mad… in fact, it really has nothing to do with me who you spend your time with outside of work hours. Truth to be told, I'm happy for you. It's nice you've both finally found your way to each other. We've all been wondering when the inevitable would happen. Granted I wondered if it would be sooner but… you've got there and that's the most important thing.."_

_She smiled._

_"You will be the best thing that ever happens to him. You will. I know that. You will bring out the best in him. You already do. But there's going to be mistakes, bumps in the road. I also imagine a hostage situation or two-"_

_She chuckled._

_"And you'll both get there. But I want to remind you to protect your heart, okay? I just want your usual cautious self." He said. "Don't let that heart get broken anymore than it already has. I much prefer this version of yourself."_

_Lindsay opened her mouth and promptly closed it again._

_He stood from his stool and placed it under the workstation. He turned to leave but paused for a moment: he learnt down next to her ear and whispered, "And if I have to listen to one more lab tech say they caught you two kissing in the locker room, I will install cameras. Understood?"_

_"Crystal." She smirked._

_"Alright; now wipe that smirk off your face and get back to work." He laughed._

* * *

She tore herself out of her daydream and her eyes fell on Danny as he cleared his plate into the sink and rinsed it. Something she'd been training him for the past week about. "Ahh, finally it's sinking in!" She mused. "Good job, Messer. We can work towards actually washing it soon."

"It sank in the first time, watchin' you get worked up over it was funny... I'm just over you bitchin' at me." He teased.

"Well, you do have your own kitchen at your own apartment that I'm sure is open for service."

"Yeah well the chef ain't that good. Reviews aren't great either. Word on the town is that the best you get there is a bowl of cereal and a spoon if you're lucky."

"Hey, excuse you… I've heard you get a daisy too." Lindsay implored. "Surely that's an extra star right there?"

"Not a patch on the first class service I get here." He winked. "What's for dessert?"

"Glad you asked." She smiled. She made her way over to the fridge and pulled out a can of whipped cream. She nudged the fridge shut and grabbed his hand. Silently; she led him through her apartment, turning the lights off as she did so.

"And there was me hoping for a banana split." He mused as he watched her toss the can to the bed and pull her shirt over her head.

"Stop being a smartass and lose your pants."

"You say the most romantic things, Linds." He teased.

"You'll be singing a different tune in five minutes." She responded. "Pants. Off."

Unbuckling his belt, he smirked at the twinkle in her eyes. "Yes ma'am."

* * *

Settling back in bed, he tossed the now empty can to the floor. "Now I know I was complainin' about the lack of banana split and everythin' but that was quite that dessert," he winked. "Wasn't really expectin' dessert and a show, Montana."

"Only the best at casa a la Monroe." She winked playfully.

He smiled at her before reaching out towards her. "Here… you've got a bit of…" he pinched a lock of her hair that had whipped cream in it. He licked his fingers, ridding them of the fluffy cream. "That's better."

"That was a very brave move there, Messer." She teased. "Some might even say stupid… That could have ended really bad for you then."

"It's a good job you're meticulous then isn't it? Means I don't gotta worry about the clean up." He grinned.

She shook her head in disgust but was arguably slightly amused nonetheless. She settled down next to him, lying her head gently on his chest. He quickly wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.

"Hey, so I was wondering…" he broke their silence, "now that things are gettin' back to normal at work and stuff and we're not pullin' crazy doubles to get everything squared away, shall we do something one night this week?."

"Don't we do something every night of the week?" She asked.

"Well yeah." He nodded. "But maybe something more official. Like where we go and eat dinner somewhere."

"Oh." She smiled and turned in his arms so she was facing up at him. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Maybe." He shrugged. "Would make a change from take out."

"Um, excuse me, you get home cooked food every time you drag your ass over here."

"It's not my fault you insisted on renting an apartment in Manhattan. It's too far." He whined.

"Hey, the heart wanted what it wanted. Okay?"

"Sure." He rolled his eyes. "Anyway… what do you think? Think you can manage bein' seen in public with me?"

"Maybe." She shrugged. "Where you gonna take me?"

"Dunno yet, needed to get you to agree to it first." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Figured I'd get over that hurdle first before attempting the rest. Don't worry, it'll be somewhere nice."

"Oh yeah?" She smiled. "With real knives and forks?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "And if you're really lucky I might even take you somewhere where they have a wine menu."

"Well, who would have thought… Danny Messer, the closet romantic." She teased. "Is this where I find out that you're actually a wine connoisseur and it's been a front the whole time."

"Oh no, unless you got a preference, it's the house chianti everytime."

She rolled her eyes playfully before settling back down on his chest. "Seriously though, I'd love to go to dinner with you."

"It's a date then." He said, wrapping his arm around her tightly.

She let out a contented sigh. "It's a date."

* * *

**There we have it! Hope you enjoyed! **

**As a side note, I'm sticking fairly closely to the episodes within season 4 and putting my own spin/filling gaps as normal but if you have any requests of moments you'd love to "see" play out, id be grateful for the suggestions! **

**As ever, thanks for reading! **


	3. Singing In The Rain

**_A/N: _hi all! Me again! Hope you are all doing well! Had the hardest time trying to get going with this! Really I did! Was ready to just completely disregard the idea altogether... and then inspiration hit and now this could be one of my favourite chapters for this story! **

**I really hope you guys like it! **

* * *

_Set between episodes 4x01 and 4x02 _

* * *

Holding the door open, he chuckled as he watched her gracefully walk past him. To any onlooker, they'd have no idea she was currently battling with her high heels and trying to walk in a straight line. He however, knew differently. "You had two glasses of wine Montana, not two bottles. I've seen you pack away more than your fair share of tequila… yet two glasses of merlot and you're walking like bambi."

"It went to my head." She giggled. "Plus I may have had a glass or two whilst I was getting ready."

"Hmm," he teased as he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his side. "You're a dork."

"Whatever." She smirked as she skipped ahead and twirled in front of him. "You chose me."

"I did." He smiled as he watched her. She grabbed his arm and made him twirl - with far less poise than she had, despite the wine coursing through her system.

"Let's walk through the park." She cried as she dragged him towards the gateway leading into Central Park. "Please? _Please_?"

"Sure," he shrugged. "Why not."

She skipped alongside of him, dragging him along. He hadn't really seen this side to her before but he liked it. He knew she wouldn't let just anyone see her so carefree and happy. And a part of him liked to think he might have had something to do with the smile on her face too.

"That was some dinner, Messer." She nudged him as she linked her arm through his, holding him close. "You didn't need to pick up the whole tab though."

"Hey, I asked you to dinner, my treat. I told ya."

"I know." She smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I really enjoyed it. Thanks."

"My pleasure." He pressed a kiss to her temple as they walked alongside each other. He felt her shiver next to him and he took a moment to watch her as her teeth chattered together. "You cold?"

"A little." She admitted reluctantly.

He stopped for a moment and slipped his jacket off. He draped it over her shoulders and she slid her arms into the sleeves. "Better?" He asked.

"Perfect." She smiled, retaking his hand. They continued their walk in silence. Before he could get lost in his own thoughts, her voice broke their silence. "This is what I wanted. I want you to know that."

"What?" He asked.

"This… us… you and me. I wanted this, all last year, when I didn't turn up to that date it wasn't that I didn't want to Danny, I need you to know that."

"Hey, I know:" he reassured her. "I get it. You don't have to explain anything."

"No I do." She said. "It was never that I didn't want to have this with you. I wanted it more than anything. I just knew that I couldn't."

He stopped them and placed his hands on either side of her arms. "Listen to me." He paused as he waited for her to look at him. "Are you listenin'?"

She nodded.

"Okay, listen good." He told her. "I get it. I get all of that. You don't need to explain or apologise or make amends. Okay? You didn't do anything wrong. It was bad timing but look, we're here now." He said. "We got here. That's all that matters, okay? You found your way back to me and that's all I care about. The rest doesn't matter."

She pulled him towards her and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I like this."

"Good." He smiled, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose. "I like it too."

She smiled before retaking his hand and continuing their walk. "This bit of the park always reminds me of a place back home."

"Oh yeah?" He mused. "How so?"

She shrugged. "Not the visuals." She explained. "It's more the feel I get, the comfort it gives me. A little bit of home away from home."

"New York still ain't home to you yet then?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I can't ever imagine being anywhere else. But then, I told myself I'd never leave Montana…"

"So why did you?"

"Because Lucy couldn't." She shrugged. "Figured I had to take one for the team… it turns out it ain't too bad."

"So this place reminds you of Montana huh?"

"Yeah the only thing missing is rain-" before she could even finish her sentence, a flash of lightening and crash of thunder erupted before the heavens opened.

"I spoke too soon!" She bellowed over the downpour. He quickly grabbed her hand and dragged her towards a bandstand. It wasn't much in terms of shelter but figured it'd be the best thing he could find until the storm they'd found themselves in passed over them.

She quickly joined him in the middle of the platform and shook the excess water off of her. She turned to look at him and smiled apologetically as she looked at the state of him: "you're soaked!"

"So are you." He laughed as he reached out and brushed the hair that was matted to her cheeks away.

She turned slightly and looked at the rain bouncing onto the sidewalk just outside of their shelter. "Looks like Lucy sent me the rain."

"What? You like the rain or something?"

She smiled softly and shook her head "it's a Montana thing, you wouldn't understand."

"Probably not." He shrugged. She fell silent and he took the opportunity it gave him to absorb her for a moment as she looked out to the rain. Even drenched through to the bone, she looked perfect.

"Hey," he whispered, despite the sound of the rain beating down above them. "Come here."

He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her as close to him as he physically could. Thanks to her high heels, she was a bit taller than normal and was perfectly aligned with his lips. "Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?"

She looked up at him through her lashes and smiled at him. "I don't think you did."

"No?" He whispered against her lips. "Well, you look beautiful tonight."

She pressed a quick kiss to his lips before dragging him off the platform and into the rainstorm.

"Linds! What the hell you doin'?!" he bellowed over the sound of the storm. "We're gonna catch pneumonia!"

"I've always wanted to do this," she pulled him close and wrapped her arms around his neck. She sealed her lips to his and he happily responded. They quickly became lost in their kiss, ignoring the rain beating down onto them.

Their fun, however, was short lived. "Hey! Get outta the damn way! This ain't singin' in the rain!" They broke apart as a furious bike rider mowed past them, barely missing Danny. They watched him cycle on for a moment before they both burst into laughter.

"You're gonna get us killed." He mused as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in close again.

"Maybe so." She shrugged, whispering her words against his lips. "But it'd be quite the way to go."

Despite his initial protests, he decided that actually he didn't mind the rain. "It sure would." He agreed before sealing his lips against hers.

As far as first dates went, this one was pretty close to perfect.

"Wanna come back to mine?" She whispered against his lips. "I can help you get out of those wet clothes?"

He wiggled his eyebrows at her, eliciting a giggle from her.

"Is that a yeah?" She mused.

"Oh yeah." He nodded. "It's a definite yeah."

She grabbed his hand and despite the downpour, they made their way leisurely towards the exit of the park.

Pretty close to perfect had just graduated to absolute perfection. He wasn't sure what it was about her, but he was completely enchanted with her. Wholly and completely.

"Where's your mind?" She asked as they made their way towards the subway station.

"Just thinkin' about how much I like this." He said softly. As they reached the stairs, he pulled her to one side and moved her drenched hair away from her face so he had better access to her ear. "And I'm also thinkin' about how I can't wait to get that dress off you." He whispered.

She wiggled her eyebrows playfully before taking his hand and dragging him down the stairs of the subway. "Where's the fire!" He mused.

She turned and pinned him against the wall. She stood on her tiptoes slightly and positioned her face by his ear. "You might want to get my dress off me - but I want to get those pants off you just as much." She teased. "Come on, let's go."

She grabbed his hand and continued their descent down the stairs towards the underground station. She flashed him a wide smile and blew him a kiss playfully. He couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips.

They quickly found a spot on the fairly busy platform and she instantly buried herself into his side. She laid her head on his shoulder and placed her fingers inside the back pocket of his jeans. He wrapped both his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her temple.

She, in turn, pressed a kiss to his jaw and then settled again against his shoulder.

They stood there together, in complete silence as they waited for their train.

He took a moment to absorb the image in front of him and he let out a slow breath. He was already in way over his head but... that didn't matter. With her, it was different.

The train came barrelling into the station and she quickly grabbed his hand as they made their way towards the edge of the platform. He glanced to her and smiled at her as they waited for the doors to open. She flashed him a massive smile before laying her head against his shoulder for a moment.

"You okay?" He asked as the doors flung open and the departing passengers flooded off.

"Perfect." She smiled, "you?"

"Oh yeah. All good." He responded. She smiled again and dragged him onto the train.

They settled on a pole in the middle of the carriage. He grabbed it and she quickly wrapped her arms around his waist, steadying herself. He laid one hand on her back and she quickly settled against his chest.

He glanced down and couldn't help the smile that stretched across his face. This had been the best first date he'd been on in a long time... if not ever. And he was willing to bet it was going to get even better.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed the fluffy fluff. Would love to know what you thought! Thanks for reading! **


	4. The Deep

**_A/N: _hi all! Hope you guys are doing well! Another instalment here for you. Hope you are enjoying this new series! **

**Just want to say how much I appreciate the kind words you have sent my way, it means a lot - so thank you all! **

* * *

_Set after the episode, 4x02 The Deep_

* * *

He knocked on the door and bounced up and down on his heels. They had been like ships in the night for the last couple of nights and whilst he saw her at work today, it hadn't been under the best circumstances. Her, the couch and a beer were definitely the three things he most wanted right now.

Remembering the rules, he kicked his shoes off and collected them in his hand, ready for her to let him in. She constantly busted his ass over shoes and whilst it drove him crazy, he couldn't help but laugh. Even though she was now the proud owner of some Bronx marble herself, her old routines were still deeply engrained.

He knocked again with his free hand; unsure why it was taking her so long to answer the door. Eventually, he heard the key turn in the lock and he was surprised at the sight that welcomed him. She was in her pyjamas and clutching a tub of Ben and Jerry's.

"That bad, huh?" He mused as made his way in.

"Shoes." She instructed over her shoulder without even looking at him.

He chuckled as he held up the converse he'd already removed. "Hey, already way ahead of you."

She turned briefly, nodded and smiled as she made her way back to the couch. She plonked herself down and dug her spoon back into the container before shovelling it into her mouth.

He tentatively sat down and shuffled closer to her. He couldn't help but notice how she curled herself up slightly… but instead of curling into him; she was almost curling herself away from him.

_Something wasn't right._

"Linds, you ok?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

He glanced at her for a moment as her words rang in his ears_. Fine. _He didn't profess to know much about women. He knew very little in fact… but something he did know however was that fine didn't actually mean fine.

_Fine never, ever meant fine._

"You sure? You ain't upset?"

"Nope, not upset."

"Mad?" He quizzed.

"Not mad."

"Hurt?"

She was quiet.

"You're hurt? Why are you hurt? What's wrong?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

He looked at her again, nothing was very similar to fine… _in fact, nothing was just as bad._

"Have I hurt you feelings?"

She dug into her carton for some more ice cream and shoved it in her mouth. He could see the fire in her eyes starting up. As she swallowed, he prepared himself.

"You know what, the next time you are hundreds of feet under water and you save one of our colleagues' lives, I'd really appreciate it if you could give me five minutes where you talk to me about it rather than instantly resorting to brushing me off and telling me to stop goofing off; okay? Because once again, I was on the outside looking in and ooh, once again, there was nothing I could do.. and low and behold _once again_, you brush me off like it's nothing. Danny I watched what happened: I saw everything and it wasn't anything I want to see again and I just needed a little bit of reassurance from you. I wasn't asking for you to toss everything on the table into the floor and make this big romantic gesture, okay? I just needed a little bit of the I'm okay, we're okay, everything's okay talk. Wasn't asking for much." She took a breath. "You made me mad at you because you were a jerk and that's not fair. You can't expect me not to care. You can't do that to me."

"We were at work:"

"Yes Danny, I know that. But that doesn't mean I still didn't need _my _Danny for five minutes. You know me, you know I'm not overly mushy. You know I don't want your constant undivided attention, but what I do need sometimes though is the guy you are when it's just me and you. No bluster and bullshit, just you. So yes, I get that we were at work, but for five minutes I just wanted you to make me feel better. And you didn't and I don't really understand why."

He licked his lips and sighed. "I shoulda given you that. I shoulda known to give you that: I'm sorry Linds."

"It's not your fault." She shrugged. "I just… what upsets me is that you used to do it. You used to take me to one side and reassure me and make me feel better. I just don't like the fact you don't do that anymore. I still need that sometimes."

"Wait... when did I do that?"

"Are you joking?" She scoffed. When she realised he was being serious she stared at him pointedly and licked her lips. "Would you like the list?"

"Sure."

She slammed the carton of Ben and Jerry's onto the table and turned to face. "Okay, off the top of my head... we'll start at the fieldcrest jewellers case, oh and then we have the Tanya Reynolds case, then there's the case with the suicide girls, after I got bitten by a snake, when you got held up with Shane Casey… would you like me to go on? Because I can..."

"Alright, okay." He sighed. "I hear ya. Listen this is… this is all really new to me and I-"

"No I'm sorry, I don't buy that. Don't give me that crap... you were able to be attentive and caring before; nothing has changed. Nothing. So don't try and give me that. Try again."

He sighed. "Alright, you're right. I shoulda given you that moment. I'm sorry I didn't." He nudged closer to her on the couch and took the ice cream carton from her. "It all just seemed easier before."

"No, before you were trying to get me. Now you have me and that's obviously different to you for whatever reason but let me assure you... nothing is different. You need to still be that same guy." She said, "and I'm sorry but I won't accept anything less. So if you don't want that you need to let me know."

"Linds, listen, I am that guy and I do want that. I didn't do it then and I know it won't mean as much but but I can do it now?"

She sighed as she laid her head on his shoulder. "I won't ever be that clingy girlfriend Danny, but just cut me a little bit of slack during the life endangerment moments, okay? I'm tough but even I struggle with that."

"I know. I know." He sighed as he pressed a kiss to her temple. "Noted for next time."

"Oh there won't be a next time." She smirked at him. "Nah-ah."

He laughed and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry I made you feel like that." He began softly. "I think truthfully, I'm conscious of us being together and working together. I don't want people to gossip, I don't want to draw attention to us… i just want things to be like they used to… just with some extra benefits."

She laughed. "Oh trust me, they used to gossip before. Just now they don't have quite as much to say."

"What?" Danny blinked.

"They gossiped before." Lindsay informed him. "There would be all sorts of theories going on about us. Whereas now, there's really nothing. We aren't as exciting to them anymore. I figured you'd have worked that one out yourself?"

"I… I suppose I hadn't thought about it like that." He shrugged.

She rolled her eyes. "World doesn't revolve around you, Messer." She teased.

"Maybe so," he shrugged. "First I've heard of it though."

"Smart ass." She smirked, swatting him with her hand as she reached for her ice cream again. "Anyway, I think they've moved onto Adam and Kendall now."

"Adam and Kendall?" Danny blinked. "They're a thing? Adam? As in... Adam Ross."

"Supposedly." She shrugged. "Who knows with that place. I mean, I'm sure people said the same about us." She shoved some ice cream in her mouth and chuckled. "I can imagine it now. _What, Danny and Lindsay? As in Danny Messer and that new girl? No way." _

"What the hell is that voice?" Danny laughed at her attempt of an accent.

"I don't know, squeaky intern from Jersey?" she laughed. "You get the picture surely."

"I do." He chuckled before pulling her close into his side.

"Listen, I am sorry about today. I'm sorry you felt like that. I'm sorry I made you feel like that."

She nodded.

He hooked his finger under her chin so that she was looking at him. "I do care about you, okay? I care about you a lot. And when I screw up like that, just give me hell and I'll try again." He said as he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "Think you might be able to forgive me for being a bonehead?"

"I think I can manage that." She said against his lips.

He quickly returned the kiss before grabbing the tub of ice cream from her. "What's a guy gotta do you get some cookie dough round here, huh?"

"You're lucky you're cute." She scowled as she handed him the spoon. "I don't normally share."

"Well then, I'll take that as a compliment. Must mean I'm special." He teased as he spooned some into his mouth.

She handed him the remote and laid her head on his shoulder. She let out a contented sigh; hoping that one day she would be able to gather up enough courage to tell him just how special to her he really was.

One day she'd be brave enough... just not today.

* * *

**There we have it! Hope you liked it! Slightly angsty but the episode was quite the little angst-fest (and I wrote this one from memory and could only remember this exchange between them so Fred and I rolled with it!) **

**Thanks for reading! **


	5. Boo

**A/N: hi all, feels like it's been a long time since my last update. Apologies about that one. Life has been a little crazy recently. I'm super excited to announce that my lovely fiancé and I are expecting a baby girl in October! Then; not long after we announced it to friends and family I found myself flying half way across the world back to the states for family reasons. So naturally, updating wasn't at the top of the agenda: plus, Fred was unhappy about chapters as per usual! Having a quiet evening tonight at my Dad's house so figured I could see what I have saved and offer that for the time being. I'm unsure of when the next update will be but hopefully will be soon. **

**If you got to the end of this A/N bravo and thank you! Hope you enjoy this update! **

* * *

_Set after the episode 4x06, Boo  
_

* * *

Watching her from the other side of the table, he knew she was struggling with the day's events. She always took cases like this to heart - it was just her. No matter how hard she tried to fight it, she couldn't help but feel for the victims.

It never helped when those said victims were children. And it certainly didn't help when they were face down in pools of blood. He knew she always ended up getting transported back to that night and reliving her worst moments, no one else would know though. She'd hide her trauma effortlessly. But he knew.

But then again - he knew her better than anyone - and was proud of it.

She was pushing her mashed potatoes from one side of the plate to the other. He could tell she wasn't up for talking but despite that, he still felt like he needed to do something to pull her out of the abyss she was falling into, "You've hardly touched your food."

After a moment of silence, he tapped her over the table. "Linds?"

"Huh?" She said, looking up at him. "What did you say?"

"You've hardly touched your food." He said, gesturing to her plate. "You want me to order you somethin' else?"

"Oh no, no the food is fine."

"What's the matter then, Linds?" He asked, hoping his simple question would get her talking.

She shrugged.

He nodded and took a sip of his coke.

"I just can't stop thinking about her."

"Who?" He asked softly, licking her lips. "Rose?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "I just can't get her out of my head."

"I know, it's hard." He said, "It's not fair.:

It was almost like she hadn't heard him. "That poor little girl will relive those moments and that night for the rest of her life. She'll feel the physical pain. The mental anguish… and nothing will ever take it away. She won't get them back, she won't see them again. She won't get to play with her brothers. She'll hate Halloween. She won't ever get a hug from her mom, her dad won't fix her problems… They won't get to see her grow up. Nothing. It's just so unfair."

"Life is, honey. But she'll find her way. Just like you did."

She took a deep breath and dropped her fork to her plate. "I didn't lose my entire family though Danny. Did I?" He watched as tears filled her eyes until one slipped down her cheek.

"True." He said softly, "but you lost your friends. Pain is pain, regardless of who you lose."

"It's days like today where i question what I do this for." she whispered.

Quickly realising she was struggling more than he initially thought, he moved to sit next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Hey, hey, listen… it's okay. It's alright. Let's talk this out."

"Why her?" She whispered, swiping furiously at her tears. "Why them? Couldn't he have just taken the damn suitcase? I mean so many lives lost and for what? For what reason?"

"No reason at all." He whispered. "Bad timing, wrong place, wrong time… the usual."

"I just can't accept it. Why is it always wrong place, wrong time?"

"Honestly, I don't know. It sucks, it hurts and it's not fair… but you did an amazing thing the last few days. You were so determined and driven to get answers and close this case. You have given that little girl the answers she needs and you will forever be that face in her head that was the person who made things better. You made this right for her. She won't have to fight with the faceless stranger, not knowing where he is or what else he's done. She won't picture that tattoo on his back in the scariest of nightmares. She'll know he got what he deserved and she'll have that because of you, honey. You gave her something you never had. That's why you do this Linds, you do this to make a difference every day… and you do make a difference. You come into people's lives on their darkest days and you make things better. You do this because you care. You do this because there's nothing else in this world you'd do instead. Days like today are hard… but tomorrow will be better. You know that."

She was still looking down at the table.

"Hey, look at me."

After a moment of hesitation she looked up.

"You did good honey."

She looked at him for a minute. She licked her lips and laid her head against his shoulder.

"What's that look for?" He asked her softly, nudging her slightly.

"Nothing." She said, her tone calmer now. "I just… I thought you'd said that earlier."

"Said what?"

She moved away from him slightly so she could look at him. "Honey."

"Huh?"

"You called me honey." She said, "When the police officer told me I was crazy… you called me honey. You just said it again."

"You caught that, huh?"

She nodded.

"Well, if I'm totally honest, it kinda slipped out earlier." He admitted. "Then when you didn't react I figured you hadn't noticed." He paused. "I thought I'd gotten away with it."

"So you thought you'd try it again a couple times?"

"Maybe." He smiled as he pressed a kiss to her temple, "Something like that."

She nodded and laid her head back down on his shoulder.. After a couple moments of silence, she turned and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you."

"What for?" he chuckled.

"For reminding me that what I do matters and that it makes a difference. I forget that sometimes and you're right, what we did today will make a difference to her healing. That's important. It means something. It's just hard to remember that when you know what that pain feels like."

"Sure, I get that." Danny nodded. "But you also need to remember how important that closure is. You give so many people that, Lindsay. You give them closure and healing. I bet you couldn't even name all the people you've helped…"

She sighed and smiled at him. "Stop now, you're embarrassing me!"

"Good," he smirked. "I think sometimes you need to remember that what you do matters and makes a difference. It's cases like this make us remember to step back and realise that what we do day in day out save families. And who knows, maybe Rose will become a police officer when she's older to help people like the lady who helped her."

Lindsay smiled. "Maybe she will."

* * *

**There we have it, short but hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! thanks for reading! **


	6. The Thing About Heroes

**A/N: hi all! Sorry for the slight hiatus we've had on this. Hopefully chapters should resume now. Between life, growing a baby, the covid situation and a smattering of a writers block, an update was low on the list, but we're here! **

**Think this is quite a short one, but it's a chapter nonetheless. Hope you enjoy! **

* * *

_Set during the episode 4x10. The Thing About Heroes  
_

* * *

Searching the last room for her in the glass walled lab, he had a funny feeling something wasn't quite right.

They'd arrived back from the subway over an hour ago and he hadn't seen her since. Granted she could have been called out somewhere but he felt that was doubtful. Everyone and everything was focused on the current shenanigans created by Mac's stalker no one knew anything about.

_Standard for Mac Taylor_, he mused.

He exhaled heavily and tapped his fingers against his hip. She had to be here somewhere. Where did she go when she needed some time?

He glanced over to the stairwell and licked his lips.

_The roof. Of course_

* * *

She swiped at her tears again angrily. She hated not being in control. She hated feeling scared and helpless. She also hated getting upset at work.

She'd tried to keep it together. She really had. She'd done a good job of it too until some lab tech had been gossiping about how horrendous it had been that all of their investigators on the day shift had nearly been killed in a freak accident… freak accident? No, not quite. She'd held it together for so long but hearing it in those terms made the reality of what could have happened crash down around her feet. She'd secured her evidence as quickly as she physically could and then she was off like a shot, hoping no one would notice her absence.

And that led her to here. Stood, hiding behind an air conditioning unit; hoping and praying no one noticed she wasn't in the lab.

She heard the stairwell door creak open and then it being propped open again. She quickly swiped at her eyes and turned away from the door; hoping some explanation as to why she was up here came to her quickly.

"You're a hard one to track down. Let me guess, you were champ at hide and seek in elementary school?" A voice sounded. Whilst she hadn't wanted to be found right now, if anyone had to find her, she was glad it was him.

"You win at best seeker." She teased despite her current emotions.

"Would have been handy to know we were playing. How you holding up?"He mused as he settled next to her with his back against the wall.

"Fine, thanks to you," she smiled. "Hero of the day..."

"So we playing hooky or-?"

She shrugged, fearing her voice would betray her.

"Hey... talk to me." He whispered at her silence. When she refused to look at him, he pulled her into his side and kept his arm draped over her shoulders. "Let me in."

"I'm fine." She coughed: "honestly."

"Sure sounds like it." He said, brushing a tear from her cheek with his finger.

"Honestly, it's fine, I'm just being silly."

"How you feel isn't silly:" he told her.

"No it is," she said, brushing him off. Before she could get away from him though, he tightened the hold he had on her and held her close to him.

"Hey, this is what we do. This is what I do. I remind you everything's gonna be ok."

"Is it?" She implored. "Is everything going to be okay?" She countered. "This is big, Danny. Whatever he's dealing with... it's really big. For someone to do what they did today? They mean business."

"I understand that, Linds." He told her softly: "but I ain't talking about Mac right now. I'm talking about you... _you_ are going to be fine. _You_ are going to be okay."

"Danny don't be ridiculous." She rolled her eyes.

"You think I don't know what led you up here?" He mused. "I know exactly why you're here. You hated not being in control and being out of your depth. I could see it in your face then and I can see it in your eyes now." He tucked his finger under her chin and made her look at him. "It's okay to not be okay sometimes. It's okay to feel how you do."

"Come on, we gotta get to work." She said, pulling him towards the door.

"No, I need a minute with you." He pulled her back and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her hair. "I promised you we'd have these moments and that I'd give _your_ Danny, so that's what we're doing." He said softly.

"I'm fine." She shrugged away from him. "Honestly, it's okay."

He held her at arms length and shook his head. "I'm not buying it." He said. "Try again."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine." She stepped back towards him and hugged him. "Fine I was scared and worried and I hated not being in control… but once again; you somehow managed to save the day. Happy?"

"A little." He smiled before turning more serious again. "You don't always gotta be so brave you know."

"I know." She nodded, holding onto him. "It's just hard."

For a moment they stood in silence together as they absorbed the gravitas of what had happened, how close events were to being drastically different and what still lay ahead of them as they scrambled to catch whoever this was.

Lindsay reached out for his hand and wrapped hers around his. He ran his thumb over her scars from the rawhide braiding of her youth and she laid her head on his shoulder.

"I just needed five minutes with you." She said softly. "Thank you for finding me."

"Hey, I'm always gonna be here for you. You know that."

"I know:" she whispered as she brought their entertained hands to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to his hands. As she did, their respective phones began ringing. They broke away from each other and grabbed their phones from their pockets.

"Mac-." Lindsay said as she held her phone to her ear.

"Stella-." Danny responded to the caller.

"-yeah that's fine I'll be right there-"

"-give me five minutes and I'll be with you-"

They both ended their calls quickly and Lindsay pushed up off the wall. "Reality calls."

As she moved away from the wall, he reached out and grabbed her hand again, pulling her back towards him. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her forehead and then another. "Ready?"

She nodded as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Let's go." He said as he released her and led the way back to the stairwell.

* * *

**A/N: as i said, short and sweet! hope you enjoyed all the samd - thanks for reading! **


	7. Child's Play

**A/N: so, fun fact - this was the first story that broke my writers block during my last year rewatch: I've obviously been holding it back for a while because lets face it... nobody wants to relive the horrors of season 4! But despite that, it's a little bit dear to my heart as it's what finally broke the block! Hope you enjoy  
**

* * *

_Set directly during/after Lindsay enters the morgue during episode 4x11, Child's Play.  
_

* * *

Holding her hand to her chest as she ran through the lab, she fought the tears welling in her eyes. Hawkes had come to find her as soon as he physically could to give her the news. She'd handed him the results she had been carrying and left without even thanking him, racing to the morgue.

She didn't even know what she was going to do when she saw him. What she'd say. She was awful when it came to this. Children. Nothing was ever enough. Nothing ever took the pain away. Not when a little life had been cut so short. She burst through the doors just as he was walking away from Mac. She tried to call out to him but she could see he was distressed by the distraught look plastered all over his face.

She turned and absorbed the god awful image that was in front of her. He was so tiny. So small. So lifeless.

She'd met Ruben Sandoval twice. The first time was when she and Danny had been coming home from a night shift. It was a little after seven am. They'd stopped for breakfast first before deciding to head back to his place and spend the day sleeping. The little boy had been goofing around in the hallway, waiting for his mom to walk him to the bus stop. He was bouncing a basketball against Danny's apartment wall with a gleeful smile as they had headed towards him.

"Ruben-" Danny had chastised him whilst holding Lindsay's hand. "What have I told you about that?"

"Hey, I knew you weren't home! You're not asleep! The rule is I can't wake you up… I ain't waking you up if you're not there."

"Smartass." Danny had chuckled as he let go of Lindsay's hand and had started to fish in his pocket for his apartment keys.

The little boy's eyes had turned to Lindsay, he smiled at her. "Hi." He began, "I'm Danny's friend, Ruben."

"Hi Danny's friend, Ruben." Lindsay had returned with a smile. "It's nice to finally meet you… I've heard lots about you."

Ruben had closed the distance between himself and Danny. He'd pulled Danny towards him and whispered something in his ear. Danny stood back up and nodded as he shoved the key into the lock. "Yeah buddy, this is her."

Ruben had smiled brightly at her. He then turned back to Danny and nodded. "She's a lot prettier than you said"

"Busted." Lindsay smirked, nudging Danny with her elbow. "You been telling your buddies about me, huh?"

"And she's funny." Ruben had added with a little giggle. "I like her." He'd said before turning his attention to Lindsay. "Hi Lindsay. Danny likes you a lot. He talks about you all the time. Didn't your hair used to be longer? He said you have curly hair but your hair is straight. Are you really from Montana? Danny said that you-"

"-You're gonna be late for school. Go get ready and stop goofin' off in the hallway, alright?!" Danny had told him; glancing down at his watch, desperate to end his little buddy's tirade of information he was sharing with Lindsay. "Tell your mom that baseball practise is cancelled next week. And be good…""

"Okay Danny!." He turned on his heel and bent down to pick up his discarded basketball. "It was really nice to meet you Lindsay."

Lindsay had smiled at the little boy. "You too, Ruben."

The other time had been at a baseball game. Ruben's mom had been working so couldn't make it. Lindsay had gone along with Danny to help him, not realising just how involved he was in the practise. She hadn't realised he was the coach. It was own standing appointment, like Mac had at the jazz club, Cozy's. Danny had a team of little budding baseball fanatics who absolutely idolised him. She could see it. They listened to him, they respected him. She marvelled at his natural skill to lead the group of rowdy, preteen boys. Not an easy thing, she'd remembered thinking, but he did it effortlessly.

She remembered being stood off to the side and being subjected to lots of inquisitive looks and stares. That was until Ruben came over and took her by the hand. She had followed him with a giggle bubbling out of her as he introduced her to his team mates. "So this is Danny's friend Lindsay." The way that Ruben had said friend, made Lindsay think this little boy was wise beyond his ten little years of life.

"This Montana?" One of the boys shouted in a thick New York accent.

"Yeah." Ruben laughed.

Lindsay had looked to Danny with mirth in her eyes and quizzed him silently. "These guys know about me too?" She'd asked.

He'd smirked and shrugged "Guilty as charged,"

She hadn't seen Ruben Sandoval after those two brief encounters. Danny would occasionally mention their successes at baseball games. She'd sometimes hear the little boy crying when he didn't want to go to bed through the walls when Lindsay was staying at Danny's apartment. She'd also once heard him asking his mom outside the door if he could knock and see if Danny was home. Thankfully, Ruben's Mom hadn't allowed him- which was good as neither of them had been decently clothed to open the door to the little boy.

Tearing herself out of her private thoughts, she turned to Mac. "What should I say to him? I'm not very good at this."

Mac's words of advice wasn't necessarily what she had been hoping for. She wanted someone to tell her what to say to make things better. She wanted to make Danny feel less pain and hurt. Telling him she wasn't very good at this would hardly achieve those results!

She laid her hand on Mac's arm in a silent thanks and turned, following the direction from which Danny had disappeared..

She burst through the doors into the quiet hallway. It was where they usually held families waiting to identify their loved ones. Fortunately, there wasn't anyone else around. Just Danny, sat with his knees against his chest, his back pressed against the wall. She couldn't see his face as it was resting on the top of his knees but she knew from his shoulders shaking that he was quietly crying.

She slid down next to him and placed a reassuring hand on his back, rubbing it ever so slightly. "It's only me." She said, although, she hoped he knew who it was anyway. "Danny, I don't even know what to say."

"I shouldn't have stopped." He said to himself. She could hear in his voice that he was beating himself up. His moral compass was clearly shattered to pieces. "Fuck, I shouldn't have stopped. I should have got him home. I should have checked him over. I should have known."

"Danny- how could you have known-?" she trailed off. Nothing, absolutely nothing, would help or make him feel any better right now. She knew anything she said was empty. Nothing would change what had happened and nothing would bring the little boy back.

He sat up and wiped his eyes roughly. He hit his head against the wall a couple of times and let out a cry of anguish. Lindsay took his hand and squeezed it tight, desperately wanting to offer him some comfort.

"Listen I appreciate what you're trying to do here, Linds." He began. "I'm gonna need some time though. I can't- I can't do this right now- I need-"

"No, no, I understand. I get it." She nodded, trying hard to shield the hurt from her own face. "Listen, I know I'm not great with things like this but if there's anything you need from me, let me know; okay? I want to help you Danny. I might not be the best but I'll do everything I can to help you get through this. Someone to lean on, you know?"

"Yeah, thanks." He nodded, distracted.

She swallowed as she watched him stand. He glanced down, acknowledging her, before taking off in the opposite direction.

She laid her head against the wall she was still leaning against and closed her eyes. She couldn't be sure, but the awful feeling inside the pit of her stomach told her that she'd already lost him. He'd already gone and whether she'd manage to get him back… well, that she just didn't know.

* * *

**Well it feels very odd to be releasing this out into the world after holding onto it for so very long: hopefully you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading - any thoughts or comments are as always very appreciated! Until next time! **


	8. All in the Family

**A/N: So I do love me some Flsck and Monroe friendship... I always feel like there's a scene missing from All in the Family but that's what FanFiction is for right?! **

**Also, much love and lots of thanks for all the love from last chapter. **

**Please enjoy this one. **

* * *

_Set after the episode 4x13, All in the Family._

* * *

Looking up, she twirled the stem of her wine glass in her fingertips. Everytime the door went, her heart stopped for a moment. She knew he'd come. He wouldn't let her down.

Her nerves were fried. She was scared. Granted, seeing him wasn't the issue, it was what would come of their conversation that worried her.

"Hey, Sorry, I got held up." A voice disturbed her thoughts.

"Hey." She smiled. She stood and wrapped her arms around him. "How did it go?"

"Eh." He shrugged. "We need something stronger before we get into it."

She swallowed as she watched him head to the bar. He ordered shots and she knew it was as bad as she expected. He headed back to the table with a tray.

"A tray? Is it seriously that bad?" She sighed.

"It ain't good Linds." Flack said quietly. He unloaded the four shots, his pint of Guinness and another glass of wine for her onto the table. He slid two shots towards her and she picked one up. He sat down, grabbed his own shot and held it up. She met her glass with his. "Slainte."

"Slainte." He sighed.

"So go on." She said after downing the shot. "Hit me with it." She said before picking up the second shot and downing it.

"It's what we thought." He said, licking his lips.

"I thought so." She couldn't hide the sadness that washed over her face. She also couldn't fight the betrayal that was settling in the pit of her stomach. "Did you find them in time?"

"Back alley, she had the gun pointed on him."

"Only just in time then." Lindsay commented.

"It coulda been bad Linds, it coulda been really bad." Flack said, "she would have used it; no questions asked."

Lindsay let out a deep sigh. "Was he there?"

Flack nodded.

"Thought so." She sighed. "He talked her off the ledge didn't he?"

"Afraid so."

Lindsay nodded.

"I made him bring her down to the station and I booked her. He wasn't happy but at this point I don't really care." Flack told her.

"Does he know that I -?"

"He's got no idea."

She nodded. "Thanks."

"I.." he sighed. "I wanna tell you something Linds, but I don't know whether it's my place."

"Even if it isn't, he's put you there. I suppose I have as well." She sighed sadly. "I'm sorry about that, by the way."

"Hey, no… listen, you did what you had to. You needed some help. You couldn't do anything… i could. I don't blame you and I'm glad you asked me for help."

They fell into a moment of silence. She could tell on Flack's face that he desperately didn't want to tell her what was on the tip of his tongue.

"Whatever it is, I can take it." She sighed.

"I'm tellin' you this because I care about you. I need you to know that before we get into this."

"Flack," she sighed. "I'm a big girl... it's okay." She reassured him.

He nodded and let out a long sigh, "I get the vibe… I don't know for definitely but I feel-" Flack sighed again. "I just feel like-"

She nodded, not needing to hear him say it out loud. "He's doing more than just helping her, isn't her?"

Flsck sighed and nodded. "Honestly? I really think so Linds."

"Yeah," She nodded as she took a sip of her drink. "I know."

"You know?" He implored.

"I don't _know know_, I just… I _know_." She sighed. "I can tell. I can read him like a book. I know what he's like and I know his ways. He thinks he can help her… he thinks he can save her. He did the exact same thing to me. He went to ridiculous lengths to try and reach me. I mean, he flew to Montana and let's face it… that's not something you do for a colleague, is it?"

"Ha, no." Flack shook his head. "When you put it like that… no, I suppose it isn't."

"So whilst I don't know for definite, I know him, and I know that he won't feel better until he thinks he's saved her. I don't fit into that picture and I know that."

"Have you spoken to him?"

"I've spoke at him." She shrugged: "goes in one ear and out the other. He isn't interested right now. Although when he realises what he's done he'll be back to fixing us again. He'll be desperate to get through to me and the cycle continues."

"Damn," Flack shook his head. "What the hell are you gonna do?"

She shrugged. "Not sure. Probably nothing. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death Flack, I really do."

"Does he know that?"

"No." She admitted. "I never got the chance to tell him."

"Maybe tell him? Before it's too late."

"It wouldn't matter now anyway." She shrugged. "He's too wrapped up in his efforts to save her from what he's created. I could tell him everything and anything but it wouldn't make a single bit of difference."

"You don't know; he might realise he's gonna lose you. Might be the thing that gives him the reality check he needs before he does something he can't take back."

"Won't matter." Lindsay shook her head.

"How will you know if you don't give him the chance?"

"Why should I?"

"Well there's nothing saying you should… but he never gave up on you."

"That's not fair." Lindsay shook her head. "We weren't together then. What he's doing now… or at least what I _think_ he's doing now, it's different. Plus I never did _that_ to him."

"I'm not saying it's fair Linds, I'm not, but what I am saying is, he didn't give up on you. I'm not going to sit here and defend him and what he's doing but what I will say is he needs you, more than ever right now. If you got it in you, fight him on this. You two are too good together to let what you have go."

"I don't think it's my choice Flack, I really don't:"

"What you talkin' about, of course it's your choice." He told her. "it's your decision here Linds, he's still Danny. He just needs you to pull him out of the wreckage."

Lindsay sighed.

"Listen, I'm on the early shift so I gotta go… do you need a ride?"

"Nah," Lindsay shook her head. "I'm good:"

"Sure?" He asked as he grabbed her hand over the table and squeezed it softly. "It's no trouble."

"I know," she smiled. "I'm gonna stick around here. Do some thinking."

"Thinking or drinking?" Flack asked.

"Both." She shrugged.

"Alright kiddo, call me if you need anything. Be safe."

"I will." She smiled as he shuffled out of the booth and stood. He tossed some money onto the table to cover their drinks. As he went to move past her, she grabbed his hand. "Hey, thank you for everything." She said softly. "I don't know what I'd have done today without you. I really don't. You're a good friend to him, Flack… and to me. I appreciate you and everything you do."

He leant down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You're the best damn thing that's ever happened to that moron." He said. "And you know I'm here for you, day or night."

"I know." She smiled.

"See ya tomorrow, Monroe."

"Yeah, see ya." She smiled.

She watched him leave the bar and sat back in the booth they'd occupied together. Letting out a big sigh, she realised that she had one hell of a fight on her hands.

During her shift today, she'd decided that was it. She was done. They were over. She wasn't going to desperately try to fix something that needed to stay broken. But listening to Flack had her questioning everything she thought she knew. She ordered another drink as the waitress went past and let out a long, defeated sigh. She bit her lip as she fought with her inner demons. He'd been there for her, sure, he'd fought her and ignored her and was there for her despite every instance that she didn't want him there. She knew she could do the same for him; that wasn't the issue. The issue was knowing what he was doing and trying not to let it break her heart. Being there for him wasn't the hard part - having her heart broken was.

She wanted to protect him and try her best to save him. But she couldn't. Not from this, not from himself... No matter how she tried; she couldn't fix this. She couldn't fix them and that realisation made the last little bit of her heart that had still been intact, break.

* * *

**Thanks for reading - hope you enjoyed! Any thoughts or comments are as always very much loved and appreciated! **


	9. DOA for a Day

_Set before rhe episode, 4x15, DOA for a Day. _

* * *

"Lindsay; thank you so much for getting here so quickly." Mac's relieved voice travelled over the commotion: "I'm sure it's not the birthday evening your planned but I really appreciate it." He paused as he looked at her. "Where's Danny?"

She licked her lips: "He… we… he never… I guess his plans changed."

He took her arm and pulled her to one side. "How has your day been?"

"Fine." She smiled with a brightest smile she could muster.

He caught her eyes and he made a point of holding eye contact with her - and normally; that was fine, but right now it felt like he was staring into the depths of her soul. She glanced down and sighed as tears started to form in her eyes.

"I appreciate your concern Mac, I really do, but I don't want to talk about it. I'm here to work. So, what do you need me to do?"

Mac nodded, rubbed her arm and began filling her in on the current situation. She took his instruction, nodded and set right to work. She unclipped her case and snapped her gloves on. As she assessed what was in front of her; She felt a sigh of relief slip from her as she realised just how grateful she was for the distraction of work. She began documenting everything in front of her, hoping and praying Danny didn't get called to the scene. The last thing she needed was facing that reality right now.

* * *

His phone ringing startled him from his thoughts. He'd disappeared into the Ruben abyss again and he was almost glad of the distraction. He picked up the phone and glanced at the caller ID.

Lindsay.

He put his phone down and sighed heavily. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to her; he just didn't know what to say.

He turned the tv up to mute the noise from his phone and eventually the ringing stopped. A few minutes later he heard his message tone go off. He picked it up and sighed. _Voicemail_. He dialled in and pressed the phone to his ear.

_"Hey, it's me. So I uh, I guess you decided against coming tonight. Listen, that's fine. I totally get it."_

He rolled his eyes as he listened to her.

_"I suppose we can celebrate my birthday next year, right? Anyway, I'd say call me but I know you won't bother: I'll see you tomorrow Danny."_

Danny bit his lip and let out a long sigh. He listened to the message again. it was her birthday? He dragged his fingers through his hair, how had he forgotten? He licked his lips. Decided against coming tonight? They'd had plans? He searched through the fog in his brain as he tried to remember what plans they'd had. He closed his eyes and mentally tried to remember any conversation he'd had with her that would give him a clue.

He listened to the voicemail for a third time; hoping for some clues. He kept his eyes closed as he listened; hoping something would come back to him… eventually it did. she'd made reservations for dinner. He felt his stomach sink.

He ran his fingers through his air and sighed heavily. He'd seriously, seriously screwed up this time. She didn't ask for much when it came to milestone stuff. Never made a big deal about birthdays, she never wanted much: just a nice meal and some drinks… and he hadn't even given her that... but then again, what had he given her recently?

Nothing was the answer: absolutely nothing.

He went to listen to it again but then a new voicemail message filtered in. _Voicemail, received nine forty eight._ He pressed 1 to listen to it.

_Hey Danny, it's Mac. Sorry to disturb you on your night off for Lindsay's birthday but I really need you both at our scene. I tried calling Lindsay but she was engaged. I'll try her again but really need you as soon as possible… again I'm really sorry about the inconvenience. I'll text you the address. Thanks._

His heart sank. The last thing he needed was dragging his sorry ass to a scene. Especially after forgetting her birthday. He had no excuse; he had no plan. He was seriously, seriously screwed.

He pushed himself up off the couch and went to go get changed. Tonight was gonna be one hell of a long night.

* * *

She glanced up to brush her bangs out of her eyes and felt her heart sink as she laid her eyes on him. He looked utterly exhausted but she couldn't help the fury that coursed through her at the sight of him. The absolute last thing she needed was looking at his sorry ass all night.

She watched him as he got briefed by Mac. She licked her lips as she watched their body language. It was certainly telling, Mac was seriously not impressed and Danny knew it. She watched Danny's nods of acknowledgement and then watched as he went to the complete opposite side of the scene to where she was currently working.

"Lindsay!" Mac called out to her: Danny turned and looked at her. He opened his mouth before closing it again and walking to his assigned area.

"I need you to wrap up what you're doing there and go home:" he said.

"What?" She laughed, standing up from where she had been crouched down:

"I think I overestimated how many people we needed. I don't need you. Go home:"

"Mac? What? I'm here now, there's loads to do. I'm happy to stay:"

"Yeah well you worked all day today and you're on the clock tomorrow early." He said. "Plus it's your birthday. Go."

"Mac, I'm absolutely fine:" she told him. "Honestly."

"I'm not questioning that:" Mac said. He turned on his heel and began walking away: "Goodbye, Lindsay."

She sighed; knowing full well she would not win. She knew what he was doing and a part of her was glad. She absolutely did not want to work alongside Danny tonight. Or anytime soon for that matter.

She took it as a blessing in disguise and began packing her things up. She clicked her case shut and stood; only to be inches from Danny's face.

She pursed her lips together and side stepped past him. She simply didn't have the patience to deal with whatever excuse was about to come out of his mouth.

She made her way to the avalanche, tossed her things in and slammed the door shut. She glanced in the mirror and watched his face as she started up the engine and drove off.

She wasn't sure where they were going to go from now but, wherever it wss, it certainly didn't feel like it was anywhere good.

In her heart she knew - it really was the beginning of the end. And despite everything in her heart, she knew there was no way she could stop it.

Things weren't going to get better. They weren't going to reconcile. As far as she was concerned, she and Danny were over… and once her heart could get on board with that also, things would be a lot easier.

Until then, she'd have to battle on and hope that she could protect her heart from the inevitable heartbreak she was about to endure.

* * *

**thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed this installmemt. **


	10. Right Next Door

**A/N: hey guys! Sorry for the slight hiatus in posting. I ended up having my baby and have been adjusting to life as a new mommy! shes perfect and and wonderful and we are very much in love with her! **

** In terms of this chapter, I have held onto this for a really long time! Well over a year in fact - I'm excited to finally be posting it: it was definitely a labour of love and I thoroughly enjoyed writing it so hopefully you will enjoy reading it!**

* * *

_Set directly after the episode 4x16, (the dreaded) Right Next Door . _

_Also mentions brief events from All in the Family (4x13), Playing With Matches (4x14) and DOA For a Day (4x15)._

* * *

Swirling the remainder of her drink around in her glass, Lindsay Monroe let out an almighty sigh. She hated this feeling. She hated how heavy her heart felt in her chest on a daily basis. Hourly basis. Constant basis.

She was exhausted. Sure, it could have something to do with the 27 hour shift she'd just endured but she wasn't entirely sure that was actually the root cause of her exhaustion. No, the sleepless nights worrying had probably done it. Worrying. Replaying things. Wishing for a time machine… something, anything to make the hurt in her chest go away. She threw back the last bit of tequila and shook her head as it burned on the way down.

She wasn't usually the type to drink her sorrows away, but she'd tried everything else and nothing had worked. She figured a last ditch attempt to self medicate with tequila might not be one of her worst ideas.

Although granted, it wasn't one of her best, either.

She wasn't _this_ person. She wasn't _that_ kind of girlfriend. She wasn't needy or pathetic or clingy. She was sassy, smart and sensible. However, this wasn't sensible. This was… well; she didn't know what it was exactly. Desperation? Heartbreak?

He'd forgotten her birthday. She'd never made a fuss about special days. Never demanded flowers on Valentine's Day. She never asked for a card on their anniversary. But her birthday? Her birthday was different and she didn't ask for much, just a nice bottle of wine and some good food and maybe a goofy birthday card.. She'd asked him if he wanted to go for dinner and drinks and he'd said yes. Granted, he hadn't seemed very enthusiastic but she cast it to one side due to just how low he'd been feeling. She'd texted him the address of the restaurant and had headed there by herself. Something they'd done a hundred times before.

Except, he did something he'd never done before. He didn't turn up.

She didn't hear from him, no apology, no excuse, nothing. He hadn't even wished her a happy birthday that day. Eventually, she'd given up, paid for her drink and left with a very heavy heart. As she was walking home, she'd gotten a call from Mac apologising profusely for ruining her birthday celebrations with Danny but explained that they were needed at a scene. When she arrived without him, Mac had pulled her to one side and had asked how her day was. She'd plastered a smile onto her face and told him it'd been fine. He'd stared at her and she felt like he'd been staring into her soul. She fought with the tears begging to fall and told Mac that she appreciated his concern but didn't want to talk about it. He'd nodded, rubbed her arm and then began filling her in about the scene.

It had taken her a couple of days but once she'd finally confronted Danny about it face to face, she wished she hadn't. She wasn't sure what his excuse would be, what he would say, but she never expected what came out of his mouth. He'd said something about sport stats and steak sides. They were easier to remember, apparently. She'd cried herself to sleep for a week after he'd said that. She could deal with a lot but to be compared to mashed potatoes and green beans? That was something she couldn't deal with. Nor did she want to deal with it.

Quite frankly, Danny Messer had turned into quite the asshole.

She pushed her glass away from her and it automatically got refilled by the bartender. He had tried to make conversation when she first walked in, however he had soon learnt that she wasn't there to talk about her troubles. So instead, he facilitated her in drinking them away the best he could.

She'd done her talking today. It had got her nowhere but she'd done it. She hadn't said everything she wanted to; it hadn't been the place or time. She'd just gotten so angry she couldn't hold it in any longer. But now, she couldn't get the words out of her head. The words she'd said and the ones she hadn't.

_I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself… Because I've fallen in love with you and now I have to figure out... how to let that go. _

The words were echoing in her ears. She shook her head to try and get rid of the words haunting her. After it had happened, Ruben dying, she'd known instantly in her heart that she'd lost him. He'd gone the moment she laid her hand on his back, trying to give him some comfort after finding out about Ruben's passing. He'd slipped further and further away from her in the days that had passed until they'd found themselves here.

Sure, they'd had moments of normalcy. He'd made jokes here and there, trying to get a smile from her but it had been hard. It almost felt like they were back to their old selves as they'd worked alongside Kendall, solving the street racing case. They'd stolen glances at one another, flirted, made innuendos. Everything they used to do. For a moment, she thought she had her best friend back.

But, as quickly as she saw the old Danny resurface; the new one would be back just as quickly. He'd failed to show up for work one day and she knew that something was wrong. She'd lied for him and she wasn't proud about it. She'd told Mac he'd called her with a bad cold and Mac had even made a playful joke about her not catching whatever he had. Her heart had ached in that moment. She didn't even know if he knew what she'd done for him; how she and Don worked tirelessly to save his ass that day. Not that it mattered. She did it because she loved him. Because she wanted to protect him and try her best to save him.

But she couldn't. Not from this, not from himself.

It had become clear to her in the last week or so what was needed, what she had to do. How could she let him go though? Where did she even begin? Especially when she didn't want to let him go… not really. She'd gotten used to being someone he loved, or so she thought. He'd never explicitly said it but she'd felt it. She thought she'd felt it at least. He'd pulled the rug from underneath her, bringing her world to a halt and popping the bubble she'd been living in.

He must have thought she was stupid. As if she didn't know what was truly going on right next door. Even if she hadn't been a trained investigator, she'd have worked it out. His body language, avoidance tactics and general attitude would have told her everything she needed without much digging at all. Due to the fact she knew him so well, everything he'd done, she'd seen right through it.

She deserved more. She deserved better. She didn't need his bullshit. She didn't need his attitude, his arrogance, his disloyalty… she didn't need to be cheated on.

She threw back another shot and slammed her glass down on the bar. As the bartender went to refill, she held her hand up in protest. "No thanks, I'm done." she said politely before adding "Can I get the bill, please?" He handed it to her silently with a sympathetic smile. She threw down a handful of bills, making sure a decent tip was included and turned on the barstool, sliding off of it. Her feet ached and her calves hurt. Her comfy shoes had gone past the comfy stage… but there was one more place she needed to stop before she went home. Maybe; just maybe, the liquid courage she'd given herself would be what she needed.

* * *

She glanced up at the building and felt a wave of confidence flow through her. She wondered if when she arrived she'd second guess herself. Change her mind even. She stepped onto the stairs and shook her head. _He needs to know this._ She let herself into the apartment block and pressed the button on the elevator. She'd usually take the stairs but she wanted to get this over with. As the elevator announced its arrival, she stepped inside and pressed the button for his floor. This was it. No going back now.

She waited as the cogs started turning, tugging her up the building sluggishly.

As the doors slid open on his floor, she took a deep breath. God only knew what she was about to find herself walking into. She needed to do this though. Not for him. Not for them. For herself.

She marched down the hallway and knocked on his door. She could hear the low sounds of the tv coming from inside his apartment. She heard his footsteps and eventually the lock turned. He opened the door just enough to see out and she was surprised at the look on his face. Did she see relief? Surely he wasn't relieved to see her, was he?

"Lindsay?" His voice sounded… happy. Pleased?

"Look, this isn't what you think it's going to be." She paused. "I'm not here to apologise for earlier or to try and make things right. I don't want us to talk."

He opened the door wider and leant against the door frame, *is everything ok? Do you want to come in? What are you-"

"I need you to listen to me." She cut him off. "Because I'm only going to say all of this once." She took the breath she needed to get through what she was about to say. "I don't care what you did. You're an adult and I'll respect your choices and decisions. If you wish to sleep with other people, that's your prerogative." She knew he wanted to speak but she continued on. "That doesn't mean I'll stand by or support you whilst you destroy me."

He flinched at her words.

"I could have been all of that for you. I could have numbed the pain. I could have done all of that. Me! I could have been the one you needed. You didn't even give me a chance. You know that I know how this feels. Losing someone you love. I lost a whole lot before, Danny. You know that. I could have helped you escape what you were feeling. We could have done it together. I would have been that person for you but you were so damn stubborn you decided you had better ideas. Clearly you decided that not only would you destroy us, you destroyed the love, respect and everything else I felt for you. Good job." She spat. "How does it feel? Knowing you ruined the best thing that happened to you? You had options Danny. You didn't need to do this. You chose this. There were healthier ways to approach this. Therapy, talking, sex if that's what you wanted. I'd have done anything to help you, Danny. Anything."

She waited for some retaliation. Some fight from him. But instead, he stood there; taking it all. _At least he was finally listening._

"I let my guard down for you." She continued. "It took everything I had but I let you in. You don't know how it feels to let someone in and for them to just toss you to the side. You have no idea how much I loved you… becsuse I did. I _really_ loved you Danny.."

His face said it all. Loved. Past tense.

"I loved us. I loved you. I loved everything about you." She took a moment to compose herself. "But I can't do this anymore. I _won't_ do this anymore. I need you Danny, I do, I need you more than you'll ever know, but not like this. I don't deserve this. I'm not a clingy girlfriend. I cared about you and wanted to help you. I can't help you if you won't help yourself."

"Linds, I-"

"You didn't need to save her." Lindsay said softly. "That wasn't your job. It was an accident Danny, a tragic accident. I can't imagine her pain and I won't pretend to know what she's going through but it was not your job to save her."

"Lindsay please, let me ex-,"

"Save it." She interrupted him, by holding her hand up between them. "I know I pushed you away when the trial came up and you worked so hard to be there for me. I loved you for that Danny, I really did. You were everything I needed and did everything you could for me. You have no idea how much all of that meant to me. I thought I'd be able to repay you all of that when Ruben died. I thought you'd let me be that person. I wish I could have been that person but clearly I wasn't good enough."

"Linds, you are good enough."

"No, I'm sorry. I refuse to stand here and listen to you telling me I'm good enough because I'm not. I'm not good enough and you've made that explictly clear. I'm sorry I've disturbed your evening but I had more things I needed to say to you. Things I didn't say before." She held her hands up in surrender. "That's it now. I'm done. I won't be giving you any more crap. I just needed you to know how I felt."

She turned on her heel and headed down the hallway back towards the elevator. She was sure there was more she probably wanted to say; but for the fear of repeating herself, she left it there. She was sure he'd gotten the message. Whether he cared was a different matter. She wasn't interested anymore if he cared or not; she was interested in alleviating the pain in her chest.

"Lindsay!" His voice sounded down the hallway. It took her a moment but she turned and glanced over her shoulder. He was stood in the middle of the hallway. Dishevelled. Barefoot. And dare she say, broken?

"What?"

"Please don't go, I uh, I really wanna talk."

"I've nothing else to say to you." She said simply. She tore her eyes away from him and pressed the button for the elevator. It hurt but she had to. If she didn't leave now, she'd sink to a level she didn't want to go to. She wanted to keep her grace. Her composure. Her dignity.

"Hey, I listened to you, I've been beggin' you all day to talk"

"Begging me to talk?" She laughed: "is that before or after you asked me how long I was gonna be mad at you for? Or was it when you called me a clingy girlriend and told me you didn't want to have lunch the other day? Correct me if I'm wrong Danny but I certainly don't think you wanted to talk to me then:"

"Alright, I've done this all wrong: I accept that okay? But the least you can do is listen to me." He was closing the distance between the two of them. She swallowed the lump in her throat. This wasn't what she had planned.

"I don't know if anything you have to say is anything I want to hear."

"Maybe not? I got things I wanna say too… don't I deserve a little bit of-" he stopped and let out a long, laboured breath. "You know what, I don't deserve a little bit of anything." He took a step back and she felt a pang of sadness twinge in her chest. "You're right. You're totally right." He stepped back again. "I'm sorry."

She raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips together, silently acknowledging what he'd said. She assumed he was sorry for wanting to speak his own mind when she'd asked him to listen. As the elevator arrived she got on in silence. She pressed the button to go down and waited the painful few moments it took for the doors shut. As they did so, she laid her head against the cold metal wall behind her. Her breaths were hitched as the tears threatened to fall. She was proud of herself. She'd been strong. Respectful. Honest. Brave. Firm.

Didn't mean that she felt any better though.

Running her fingertips through her dishevelled hair, she composed herself as she pushed off of the wall, ready to exit the elevator as it neared the ground floor. The doors took a moment before they opened. As they did, she was met with a sight she hadn't anticipated. Despite herself, she walked towards him, mentally preparing herself for whatever was about to come.

"I don't deserve you. I don't. I don't deserve us, you, anything. I've really fucked up. I know I have. I won't pretend to know what I've done to you, how I've hurt you."

She desperately wanted to stop him. She didn't want to hear anything else; she didn't want an apology or love or kindness. She didn't want to see the old Danny, her_ Danny_. If she was able to see her Danny, all of her composure, strength and determination would come crashing down around her.

"I let things go too far. I coulda stopped it all at any point but I didn't and I gotta live with that. I've done some stupid things that I'm gonna have to pay for." He said,

She folded her arms over her chest.

"You know the real me, Linds. You do. You know me. The guy I am, the one that fought for you, that's who I really am. You know this. Don't pretend you don't know the real me."

She closed her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. "Honestly, I have no idea who you are anymore."

He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "Lindsay, I know what I did hurt you. I know nothing I could ever do will make up for that… but please, please don't let go of me. I know I haven't shown it but I do need you. I care about you Linds, I care about you a lot."

"Danny, you don't. You dont care because if you did, you wouldn't have done this." She was tired. Her eyes burnt, from tears or exhaustion or alcohol, she didn't know. What she did know what that if she listened to any more of what he had to say, she'd be back to square one.

"You've got no idea how strong you are." He began. "You've been brave, compassionate, kind, respectful and lord knows I don't deserve it. But I need you to know how I feel about you. You know how much I care about you. I just can't begin to think of what I'm gonna do without you, Montana, I- please."

She shook her head and put her hands over her ears; like she did in the diner all those years ago. "No," she whispered, "no no-" she took her hands from her ears and prodded him in the chest. "No, you don't get to do that. You don't get to call me that and expect it to be okay. You can't throw that in there after months of nothing and expect me to fall for it. No. That was special. That was before. Don't you dare taint what that used to mean. I'll put up with a lot from you Danny, but I won't let you take that away from me."

"Lindsay please- I'm tryin' to-"

"Trying to what? Don't you see?" She whispered, "don't you see that it's too late? Don't you think I'd kill to go back to how we were? Don't you think I'd give anything to let you hug me and tell me it'll be alright? Call me Montana? Don't you think I want to let you kiss me and love me and make everything okay? Don't you think I wish I could just forgive you and let it all just disappear? You're hurting me, Danny.. you're breaking my heart."

She could tell in his eyes that he'd finally realised the gravitas of the situation.

"I don't wanna hurt you." He said finally. "I don't want that." He let out a long, laboured breath. "What do we do?"

She shrugged. "At this point, I have no idea. You've got some shit to deal with. You need to end one of your relationships; whether that's with me or with her." She said matter of factly. "As for me? Well, I need to find a way of letting you go, don't I." It wasn't a question.

His eyes closed as he fought back tears. "Lindsay, I- I'm sorry."

"I know." She said softly.

"Look, I know you don't wanna listen to me right now and I get that," he said, "I do, I respect what you're saying. But can you maybe think about it? Maybe think about sittin' down and listening. I mean I don't know what I want to say but I need to, I want to; I just feel like I-."

"I'll think about it." She said filling the silence as he trailed off. "I'm not promising anything Danny. I'm not saying that this makes everything okay. I can't even bear to look at you right now, knowing what happened. What you did. But, if you give me time I might be willing to listen to what you have to say." She paused. "I love you, I do. I just, I can't let myself be hurt so deeply by someone who is supposed to love me. I know you've been hurting. I know all of this has been hard… you have no idea how I've been hurting for you Danny. I'd do anything to stop your pain, I would. But right now this-" she gestured between the two of them with her index finger. "This isn't healthy. This isn't right. We can't do this, you know?"

"I know," he nodded. "I just… I don't wanna lose you."

"I didn't want to lose you either." She said, "but I did."

She turned on her heel and tore herself away from him. She'd gone with the intention of not repeating herself over and over and she was beginning to feel like she was. She refused to be sucked in by him, because she knew how easy it would be to let him convince her to go upstairs. She knew how quickly she'd find herself wrapped up in his arms, listening to empty promises and accepting his guilty kisses. She didn't want to lose him. She wanted to fix everything, so desperately. But she didn't want him to feel like he needed to fix her. She didn't want him to refocus his pain and suffering into her and their relationship.

She pushed through the doors of his apartment building and fought with herself not to turn around and take a final look at him. She couldn't. All of her resolve would be gone in a heartbeat. It was hard enough keeping the tears pooled in her eyes from falling.

She loved him but she'd lost him. And despite everything, every ounce of sense and instinct within her telling him to just let him go, get over it. The only problem was, she didn't want to. She hoped that despite everything, they found their way back to each other.

Until then, she'd just be working on ways to mend her broken heart.

* * *

**There we have it, the monster chapter this has been gearing towards! I hope you guys enjoyed it. I know it kind of goes against what Danny says in the box about him thinking she knew about him and Rikki but quite frankly they were just being lazy so I've taken my artistic license and filled on the gaps. **

**In terms of the next update, I shall try my best to get it up soon but please bear with me whilst I navigate being a new mama! I will get it up eventually... promise! **

**Thanks for reading - as ever, any thoughts or comments are very much appreciated! **


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